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Successful Sunday, July 25th, 2021

Where did the time go?

The number 18.  In the space of the number is a view of an apt building and a gate that takes up the bottom half of the 18.

"I don't know how I feel about you turning 18," I said to my daughter.  "I don't know either," she responded.  Milestones can be amazing celebrations.  When was the last time I danced?  Oh, I remember!  It was in a store.  They were playing a song I had not heard in forever.  I don't remember it, but I was singing along and dancing down the aisles.  You don't need a milestone to celebrate.  For some of us, getting out of bed is a cause for celebration.  I just realized its another first without him and I do not know how I feel about that either.  

Sometimes we drive ourselves into a frenzy of celebration because we do not want to think about the other aspects of our life; the parts we keep in the shadows.  I drove two hours to get some ice cream.  It was incredible ice cream.  Another first without him.  Today we are driving almost two hours to bake a cheesecake.  Tomorrow we are celebrating with another new adventure, another first, another first without him.  I'm okay.  I'm not okay.  I am okay with being not okay, but eventually I will have to deal with not being okay.  Not now.  I have too many things to celebrate.

I am very blessed to have a loving and supportive network of family, friends, colleagues and collections.  Every day I post art and everyday someone reaffirms the point of posting.  People reach out to say hi, to have coffee, to have puppy dates, or to vent.  I welcome the opportunity to give back to my community who has held me up during all the firsts.  Thank you.  I need a moment.  Deep breath in and slow exhale.  I'm okay.  I'm not okay.  Another first.

I will say that the past year and a half have perhaps help you to discover an inner resiliency you did not know you had.  Or perhaps, I should say that  I hope you have discovered it.  I know I have, but as I try to become more adept at perspective taking, this is not the case for everyone.  Trauma affects people differently.  I am grateful for the gift of resiliency during these challenging times.  At the start of the year, each perceived failure was a setback and resulted in a session of self-recrimination.  I have reached a point where I realize that I am not my failure.  Like Yinka Ewuola says, there are only results.  If you don't like the results, what can you do to change the results.  For me, a huge part is to change your mindset, which I have done in my own life through P.L.A.Y. and the scientific method.    Another first.  Remember you do not need an excuse to dance or celebrate.  Namaste

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