"When you are sitting in a room of people who can see your hoo ha, you kind of stop worrying about looking like a fool." - Stacy Casson after giving birth.
She is in there somewhere. The part of me who did not care what people thought. The one who wore bright fushia pantsuits or rocked a tiara because she could. Perhaps she is tired. I did not get much sleep this week. It was not because I was digging out from vacation. It was my thoughts mainly and a philosophical eleven year old, who thinks that bedtime is when you ask the deep questions about good and evil, life and death. The thoughts that keep you away are criminals of opportunity. They had as much power as I gave them and usually could be vanquished by listening to a sleep story, or some other meditative practice.
This week the topic of failure and rejection has come up quite often. We were challenged in our group to try and get as many nos as possible. I realized I had not put myself in a position to be rejected. When I employed P.L.A.Y. the stakes went away and it was fun. I was that woman who did not care that people had seen her in her most vulnerable state because the struggle was worth it. Comparisoniitis tried to get a toehold, but I quickly realized what was happening and only compared myself to my past work. I was able to see how much I have grown, especially when I do not get the outcomes I want. I used to beat myself up and point out all the things I did not do. Now, I take it as evidence in my grand experiment at life and celebrate the improvements and get pumped for the next challenge.
My friend is helping me learn about gardening. I could have been dismayed at the state of my yard, but I realized that because we did not know what to do and did not ask for help, we did nothing. It was not a condemnation, but a simple fact. When I accepted help and guidance, we got a tremendous amount of work done in a short time and it made a huge impact in three hours. I also found that I had wild scallions growing in my yard! How cool is that? When I put my mind to it, I can get things done. Despite being tired, I crossed off so many items on my to do list and I feel lighter. Clearing away literal things has cleared up room in my mental space. What is cluttering up your head? What limiting beliefs are holding you back? Have you asked for help?
It has not been an easy road. Many of the current things that are in motion are a result of a deep and cruel loss. Yet, I have found so many blessings and things to celebrate. I am stronger than I thought. I am capable of growth and many things can be true at the same time. Letting go is painful. We can be very attached to our worldview. That attachment can keep you stuck. Are you ready to let go of what no longer serves you? When you let go, you make room to receive. What is waiting for you to make space? What hidden treasures are waiting when you clear out the clutter? Namaste
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