When is the last time you felt completely free? This week I went on a family vacation and for once, disconnected from work and most people. I bravely left behind my work laptop, was barely on social media, and did not attend a family funeral. I also did not feel guilty about anything. No "I shoulds" for me. We went someplace we had never visited and let our whims dictate our day. We stopped using an alarm by the second full day. Family time is so precious as we sadly know that tomorrow is not promised. Thoughts about all the things waiting for me did try and enter, but I remembered all the beauty I had seen.
I am by no means and enlightened guru, free from the burdens of life. It was a challenge to let go of things that did not serve me on vacation. Deadlines? Set times? My internal circadian rhythym did kick in; however, I lazed reading why the kids slept. I never do that. Do you feel you always have to be productive? I do. It was nice to ignore it. I am doing nothing to get ahead and plan on making Monday, a NORMAL day. Trying to cram twenty-million things into a work day is not productive. Just as trying to see every site on vacation ends up stressing your out. This is the first vacation that I do not need a vacation after my vacation.
I create my life. Yes, there are external pressures and obligations, but I do not have to relate to them the same. Mindset is not everything, but it does make a difference. I remind myself that I have all the time I need to do the things that are important to me. Today I made time to plant, draw, and enjoy the full calorie coffee drink. Yes, I am going to veg out and catch up on my Netflix queue. I am not going to apologize. I am not going to feel guilty. I am not going to make myself small and ignore my needs. Time is finite and expansive and real and an illusion all at the same time.
We have a choice. Will I go back to my old ways post vacation? Will I be crushed under my own expectations or continue to enjoy the flow? I am not afraid of hard work. Today, instead of grabbing my phone, I dug seven holes. Turns out I only needed three. Was it the end of the world? No. Digging holes is great exercise and it was a simple manner of returning the dirt. I will enjoy the growth that results from my labor. We can choose to fight reality or guide reality. A bird in flight uses thermals and lets them do the work for them. Will I flap my wings and exert energy or will I use the thermals to soar? Will you continue to choose your current situation or do something to change it? Namaste
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