When is the last time you felt joy? For me it was yesterday, when I discovered that my son's record player also had a cassette player. We played tapes for a good hour or so dancing and reminiscing. I am a singer and found a song that I forgot that I created. It is so catchy, it's still stuck in my head. "Thank you for breaking my heart into a million pieces; I'll put it back together much stronger this time." Listening to all the music brought me incredible happiness. I noticed that the labels tried to creep in. "I'm too happy. I'm manic. I'm going to crash." Have I really forgotten the simplicity of being happy? Have I been so weighed down that freedom seemed dangerous or unsustainable?
This past week, I have been more aware of the stories I tell myself and changing the tales. I had some challenges at the start of the week. They seem to come in threes. "This is a horrible week," I started. Then I realized, no, I had some challenging moments. They were not even that challenging as all have been resolved. Awareness is the first step towards change. I touched on this last week with the productivity trap. That is an old story. I am finding that when I allow downtime and more play and relaxation, I have the energy to accomplish more than I normally would do. I stopped trying to find answers outside of myself and though it sounds tempting to have someone tell me what to do, I am finding excellent outcomes listening to myself.
As a recovering control freak, I find it difficult to let things go. I have not used an alarm the past three days; granted my cat is doing a very good job as a backup. I made it to work on time and have accomplished what I deemed necessary. I stopped being everyone's back-up plan and I am seeing my kids start to take more responsbility for themselves. I attended a Boost-Camp by the incredible Yinka Ewuola and had the privilege of fellowship with a community of amazing and supportive women. Doing less to be able to do more was a topic that kept emerging. I knew I needed to do this, but was finding it hard to put into practice. However, seeing the example of other women doing this in their lives and seeing the results is helping me to take a step back in my own life. Even my phone is reminding me through the content it is showing that every moment does not need to be productive.
My late husband once wrote a testimony about letting go. He had recently joined my faith and at first found it really hard because there were many things to give up. He said he was resistant at first because it felt that he was losing many of the things that he loved. Thinking about what he had to gain, he opened his hands to receive. It is difficult to hold more when your hands are already full. He instead began to focus on what he was gaining - more peace, more compassion, more love and before he knew it, he forgot that he missed the things he had once held so dear. I give thanks for everything that has happened in my life and am more ready to let go of what no longer serves me. My fear and controlling tendancies hold me back. "Thank you for breaking my heart into a million pieces; thank you for showing me what was mine." Namaste
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Do you struggle to toot your own horn? Are you more comfortable highlighting someone else's work? Do you wish you could shine? I am hosting three #IamRemarkable workshops to empower people to self-promote. Want to learn more? Please reach out.