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What To Do When You Don't Know What To Do

Part 5 of 10

3 marshmallows roasting on sticks in a fire

Welcome back.  To recap: you have recognized that you are stuck, taken time to reflect, did some deep breathing, and let go of the need to act on all of your ideas and what no longer serves you.  Last week you brainstormed and imagined the life you want to live.  Our next step is to try and find the balance.  As you pursue clarity, ask yourself “What will bring me into alignment with my goals?”  The wheel keeps turning.  Sometimes you are up and sometimes you are down.  Achieving clarity is a process, kind of like when your eye doctor gives you options.  “Do you like this one, or that one?  Left, or right?  Better or worse?  It is important to remember that even if you are clear, your situation can change in an instant and you will have to adjust.  I went camping this weekend.  I had a plan, and everything worked like clockwork.  The rain stopped when we got there, and we got to set up and even have a campfire.  We had a plan to go kayaking.  It poured rain and our tent got flooded.  Did that stop the plan?  No, we readjusted and got the wet stuff taken care of before we went kayaking.  Temperance is allowing for the detours.

In an earlier blog, I spoke about taking the driver’s wheel instead of letting life happen to you.  That can be challenging.  Remember, you have the solutions to your challenges.  I sat down to write this blog and a friend I had not heard from in a while called me.  I wanted to talk to her, but I also wanted to finish writing because it has been very clear the path for this series about clarity.  The old me would have sat on the phone and had a nice time but would also be further away from my goal.  I hate disappointing people.  However, at this stage in my life, it costs energy to disappoint myself.  I took control and told her that I was in the middle of this and when would be a better time that we both could enjoy.  She was very understanding, and I was proud of myself for keeping a boundary.  Does this get me closer to my goal?  No?  The choice is up to you.

When you think you have made up your mind, temptation strikes.  Resist shiny object syndrome.  Remember the previous tools we discussed such as the parking lot.  Very rarely are all those other ideas running away.  In my life, the temptation is me avoiding the hard things.  I often find that most of what is hard is more my thoughts about the situation rather than the actual situation itself.  Try to keep an open mind.  I thought my first-time camping would be hard.  I’m not going to lie, I wanted to burst into tears setting up my tent.  Thankfully I did have my brother to guide me.  We got started and by the time he came over to help us, we had the majority of the tent up.  I had to believe that I could do this and accept help.  Instead of thinking about what could go wrong and what did go wrong, I reflected on all the amazing things we did and saw.  My first-time kayaking was upstream working against the current with a freaked out eleven-year-old seeing an alligator in every log we passed.  It is the same as when you are going after your goals.  I could not stop paddling even when my arms were burning because we would go backwards or get beached.  Keeping the goal in mind and having my son literally relying on me, I was able to keep going.  The return trip was so much easier.  Eat the frog.  Everything else really gets easier.  

Finally, as you make difficult choices, remember to be kind to yourself.  I love the saying, embrace the suck.  I make friends with difficult feelings.  They are always trying to provide guidance.  When I get scared or think I am not going to make it, I lean into those feelings and talk it through.  I use my B.R.E.A.T.H.E. framework and allow it to happen, talking and feeling my way through it until I am calm enough to explore options.  It was midnight and raining and my kid needed a bio break.  They opened the tent and discovered standing water in the next section.  The tears started.  I wanted to cry as well, but I looked at the situation.  Our sleeping section was relatively dry, it was dark, and nothing was open.  I told them we would deal with the aftermath in the morning.  I remember there was laundry facilities onsite.  So, we got our umbrellas, dealt with nature’s calling, and settled down eventually getting back to sleep.  The next day, we dealt with it with barely an inconvenience.  Keeping calm and finding the balance helped us to navigate the challenges.  Things may not go to plan and that is okay.  Keeping that grand vision in sight to help guide you.  Energy is neither created nor destroyed, but you do have some say in how it is transformed.  Namaste.