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What To Do When You Don't Know What To Do

Part 6 of 10

Blue water runnin over reddish rocks in the early morning

Welcome back.  Last week we tried to find the balance and let the question, “What will bring me closer to my goal?” be our guide.  I know we let go of things that no longer serve us, but we are going to revisit letting go from the aspect of surrender.  Sarah McLachlan mentions on that her song “Sweet Surrender” was about accepting ugly things and the parts that you find are unlovable.  I have made many choices over the years, and I did not start to make progress until I accepted the consequences of the choices.  For me, I would get close to the edge and see the drop and scurry back.  Getting clarity means surrendering to the vision.  Are you ready to make the jump and trust that you will stick the landing or that the parachute will open?  Whenever I start a new piece of art, I trust my intuition.  There usually comes a point where I hate everything on the page, but I stick with it and eventually it comes together.  When you get clear, you will have some hard choices to make.  That is not quite right.  When you get clear you must learn to surrender to the flow and trust that you will get to your destination because you are choosing the actions that bring you closer to alignment.  I decided to not use my GPS to take my parents back home.  Some roads did not go through, and we made some twists and turns, but I had a vision of the route I wanted to take.  My mom was begging me to “give Siri the address.”  I told her I had this and sure enough, after the next turn the main road was straight ahead.

It is hard to feel that you have locked in once you make a choice.  I had a serious case of the What Ifs and it delayed me from trying to do anything for years.  Things To Think About has taken many twists and turns as I figured it out.  Every time I thought it was going to one thing, I realized it was something else.  As I started to trust myself more, I grow more comfortable with the pivots, twists, and turns.  I find it comforting to explore my life from the lens of a scientist.  I view the difficult emotions as messengers.  Instead of shying away or shutting down in my gal cave, I ask them what they are trying to teach me.  In disappointment, there is often a kernel of “it almost worked.” I went camping and we had some disappointments, but instead of fixating on the downside, I asked myself what the lessons were learned.  When not if I got camping again, I would make some changes and after that trip, review how it turned out.  When I was driving sans GPS, I realized that all the twists and turns were connected.  Our choices do not exist in a vacuum.  

When my friend and I did our initial foray into trying to find more clarity, we entered with a mindset of play.  This was our big adventure.  As you continue your own journey, try not to remember to play.  There is a sense of freedom when you view things as a game.  You get to take turns and even if you must go back to start, your next move only takes a roll of the dice.  There is freedom in discovering what works for you.  You bring the uniqueness of a million possibilities and combinations that lead you to this point.  Nobody else can do You because nobody else has the exact same lived experience that you do.  Surrender is also recognizing that you do not have completely control over anything except your response.  Today we left later than I wanted.  My mom was vexed at my dad, and I decided to put on the radio and enjoy the journey.  I viewed the visit to the doctor’s office as an adventure.  I would play how smoothly can I stop at lights and enjoyed singing along to the music.  Where I spend my energy and focus determines the quality of the trip.

Turning off the GPS does not mean flying blind.  I paid attention to where we had been and the landmarks.  When you surrender to a situation, it does not mean flying blind.  Having clarity, means that you have done the groundwork and have the big picture to ensure you are still in frame.  It is easier to pivot when you have a lay of the land.  Having clarity is like having and inner compass to guide you even if the road ends unexpectedly or curves instead of going through.  Doing your preparation makes it easier to surrender and to go with the flow.  I knew that I would eventually get to the street I wanted because the numbers were going in the right direction.  It was liberating trusting my instincts instead of being constrained by the GPS.  Because I went off grid, we passed by a place that my parents could go to get some glasses.  If I had followed the GPS instead of my instinct, we would not have made the connection.  Surrender is like driving without your GPS.  You should trust your own sense of direction and have the faith that you will get to your destination.  Namaste.