I hate change. No, that’s not quite true. I am deeply uncomfortable with change but am actively trying to embrace it. Sometimes life gives you a nudge into new things. For me, it was replacing my work computer. Spoiler alert – there were tears. Everything that could have gone wrong, went wrong. My backup drive crashed and I had not pushed the power button hard enough so nothing appeared to be working. One of my friends came over to help and when they simply pushed the button and everything started working. That was it for me. I felt like such an idiot and started boo-hoo-hooing right there. I know I was not actually crying over the computer. This was the latest in a series of hits and my stiff upper lip cracked. Over a cup of tea, I shared all that had happened which was a huge relief. Saying it out loud took away some of the sting and terror and I was easily able to laugh about it. I need to do a better job of expressing my feelings and stop being the dog in hell sipping tea and saying everything’s fine because sometimes, everything is not fine and that is okay.
Recognizing truths about yourself and accepting that perhaps you are not as resilient as you thought is a bitter pill to swallow. When my son started writing a story about a disillusioned cat, I knew I had to sit with myself (Props to Future Cain) about how I was reacting to the slings and arrows life was throwing. The people around me are an excellent mirror and I knew that I had to change my ways. Change begins with accepting what is. Being honest is like draining an abscess at times. You need to get what is festering out of the metaphysical wounds in order to clean them and heal. “I hate change. I am being a baby. I know I need to do this. Sorry, I missed [insert obligation here] I was having a meltdown.” This is shocking behavior for me, little miss calm and put together. It happened and it was not the end of the world. I took some deep breaths, put on the robes of responsibility, accepted help and put on an attitude of gratitude.
There can be too much of a good thing. This weekend my kid was on a roll and we had so many treats. Yesterday they brought home an entire box of gourmet cookies. We all got to the point where we couldn’t eat them. It was just too much. When I encounter challenges, I do try to view them as gifts but sometimes putting a bow on dog poop doesn’t change the fact that it’s a turd. In fact, unlike manure, dog fecal matter is harmful to grass despite being a natural occurrence. I am certain the dog is grateful because not pooping would be harmful. So in a roundabout way, even dog poop is something to be grateful for because it means your dog is most likely healthy. I have to prime myself for resilience. This week I did not get enough sleep or water so when things hit the fan, I was not ready. I could not appreciate the challenges. Like I always say, a comfort zone is a desert, hardly anything grows there. I need to be prepared for the desert and find things to hydrate my soul.
Pretending everything is fine only works for so long. Truthfully it does not work, but perhaps it serves as a temporary Band-Aid until you are able to treat those emotional wounds. I did not treat my frustration about last week’s event and instead chose to focus on all the good things in my life. There is that word again “good.” Good absolutely needs context. I have a challenging week coming up as well. There will be the joy of reuniting with old friends and colleagues but also the trials of timing and logistics. Will it be worth the sacrifice of sleep? Is there a different way I can approach what is happening? How will I honor my need for rest and a reprieve from the demands while honoring my obligations? Perhaps it will be as simple as acknowledging that everything is not okay, but I am going to roll with the punches. Most anything is possible when you have a plan. I will prepare for the worst and hope for the best. Deep breath in and exhale. Namaste.