My mind is a swirl of thoughts and emotions as I write this. I think I have insight overload. What good is knowing without doing? Baby steps. First, the celebrations: A successful and fun Pokémon challenge, a high energy LinkedIn Live, knowing my limits, and a decisive meeting of the minds. There are many more wins, but I know them, and it's okay if you all don't know everything I am proud of. I do encourage you to reflect on your week and pat yourself on the back for your wins. There were also outcomes I was not happy about. Today I learned that I am so gung-ho that sometimes I leave the horse behind or carry the horse instead of allowing it to transport me.
I also learned that everything does not need to be perfect to be a win. My Five Days of Fun Challenge was ready in my brain, but it was a process to transform it into a viable product. Things get easier once you decide on a template. Also, things get more manageable when you throw away the template. I have beautifully crafted "next steps" that are seriously more of a hindrance because simplicity is underrated. I also accepted that my cup was empty and needed to step back. It was so liberating. I have to do the work, and learning is not the same as doing. I will no longer fool myself or beat myself up because although it is not as much effort as I can, I am making progress. Are there areas of your life where you beat yourself up?
The truth shall set you free. It was freeing when I owned up to the fact that many of my wounds were self-inflicted and that I couldn't do all the things. Have you every felt that little inner voice screaming, but you disregard it? This week, I stopped fighting and listened to my gut; the world did not fall apart. I received support. It is not easy to be vulnerable. I tell you all of the challenges and low points of my life in this blog, yet I am still somewhat dishonest. I have never lied to you, maybe myself, but there have been omissions. It's not a sin to redact parts of my life. There is no place to hide when you step out of the shadows. The question is, why do I need to hide? Is it unprofessional to be a human?
I still have not processed what it means, but I am excited about what is coming next. I am confident that I am finding my people. In high school, I was part of the nerds, but also in a strange position of floating along the outskirts. Or the story I tell myself was that I was part of the nerds but rejected the box. I have always been a Stacy, who I claim as an adjective. We are a little quirky, a little spacy, always curious, and sometimes racy :) I challenge you to give yourself permission to breathe and poke the bear of your hidden self. We often tamp our power because we do not allow our true selves to shine. I know there are diverse beliefs about being authentic because there is a cost. It's costing me more not to be Stacy. The American Heritage Dictionary defines a freak as: "A fleck or streak of color. [or] A thing or occurrence that is markedly unusual or irregular." I am going to let my freak flag fly proudly. Namaste.
