If you asked me how I was doing this week, I probably sent you a meme of a thumbs up sinking underwater in a lake. I am starting new things all at the same time and have been feeling a little overwhelmed. I have to remind myself that I am not my feelings. Yesterday I started my day listening to meditations whilst working and I recognized that I had so much to be grateful for. I have been listening to Viktor Frankl's book 'Man's Search for Meaning' and it reminded me that I have a choice in how I choose to respond. What was the story that I was telling myself? Who was I choosing to be in my current situation. I did not like this irritable, ascerbic person so I made different decisions. The next morning, nothing about my situation had changed aside from my mindset. Therefore, everything changed.
Many of my paintings this past week tapped into ideas about flow and undercurrents. I noticed that each one because a little more defined and the day that I decided to change my mindset, the painting was very self contained and compartmentalized. I allowed myself to dive into the undercurrents and explore what was happening. I had ceded power to fear and scarcity. Once I recognized that I had all the tools that I needed and only needed to put on my big girl panties and get things done, it helped me to being floating and riding the currents versus being sucked under.
When I get overwhelmed, my world shrinks and I believe that everything revolves around me. I looked at this entitled and demanding woman in the mirror and challenged her to expand her world. My youngest was languishing. New empowered me decided to start our day with a walk together. He was so excited and we both had a better day. It is important to remember that in our quest to hit our goals, we impact other people. I am not an island. I think it is more like throwing a rock into a pond where many people are on the shore also throwing rocks. The ripples are sometimes in consonance and other times in dissonance. The water is disturbed and again becomes still.
This week, the harder I worked to get things done, the less effective I became. I had been trying to figure out how to switch to a new system and was getting frustrated because it did not produce the results I wanted. I tried to replicate it in a test system and realized that what I was asking it to do was impossible. I then realized that I was trying to produce the finished product instead of recreating the building blocks. Once I recognized that, I easily recreated the building blocks and was able to produce what I wanted. When I surrendered to the undercurrents, they helped to bring me to the shore. Are you going to keep treading water or allow yourself to float to the shore? Namaste.
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