I woke up this morning determined to not let urgency run my life. Normally, this blog is the first thing I do after making a cup or coffee of tea. However, my son sent us a scheduled text in our family group chat about a “big fat roach’ in the kitchen. (The joys of living in Florida and why my bug guy needs to be immortal) My shoes are in the kitchen so I guess I’m trapped. Also my lap cat is sitting on me and we can’t disturb her because she has chosen me. So many feelings are going through me and I am fine with all of them, even the irrational fear. The Ace of Cups is about the opportunity to tap into those feelings. As parents we need to understand how to navigate big emotions to guide our children.
Every week, we explore a Tarot card because Tarot is rich in symbology and helps us pause from the panic and tap into our intuition. This allows us to shift our mindset and move from overwhelm to action.
Card of the Week: The Ace of Cups
A mysterious hand emerges from a cloud holding a golden chalice. A dove dips a wafer marked with a cross causing it to overflow in five thin streams into a calm pond covered with lily pads.
The Pattern It Reveals
I like when the cards are literal and I can’t believe I had not noticed the communion imagery before. We are baptized into our feelings. The wafer represents the emotional trigger causing the overflow. Notice how the pond remains calm and undisturbed. In tarot, water is often associated with feelings because it flows and takes on the shape of the container. We decide the shape of the container by how we choose to interpret the feeling.
We need to be pond for ourselves and our children. Many times we try to manage feelings and tell kids to stop crying or calm down. Notice how the water overflows. You may as well tell the ocean to stop making waves. The key is to let the feeling flow and guide it, shaping the container.
The Question Worth Asking
How can you be the pond for yourself and your children?
One of my students was swinging his water bottle around and in distress. He was yelling and could potentially hurt someone. I was subbing as the teacher’s aid. She firmly and compassionately said, “Use your words. ‘I’m angry!’”. The little boy repeated the phrase, “I’m angry.” He stopped swinging the water bottle and she delved into why he was angry. He wasn’t ready to leave. She validated his feelings and we left. He was still angry, but having a way to express it allowed it to fall into the pond and keep the peace.
One Small Experiment to Try This Week
Yes/and the feeling.
When you notice your kid experiencing big feelings, help them to let it flow and shape the container. Instead of telling them to stop, help them become aware of the feeling and how it shows up.
For example if they are throwing things, you must stop the action for safety reasons. You can tell them that they seem angry but you will not allow them to throw things because that is dangerous.
Encourage them to use their words. Help them to identify how the emotion shows up. Share what you notice. For example, I see you are breathing hard and clenching your fists. You seem angry. You can tell them how it impacts you and then model how you calm down. For example, I get sad when I see you are hurting. I am going to take a few deep breaths.
They will learn that you can have feelings but you aren’t your feelings. You can show them how to work through their feelings by being the pond. Hold space without judgment. I am reaping the rewards since eventually the eldest, who is not afraid of roaches will wake up.
Are your feelings overflowing? When I led the parents through a brief calming exercise, a few of them said they felt as if they had laid down a burden they didn’t realize they were carrying. Taking time for yourself allows you to become aware. Awareness is the first step to making a change. What burdens are you unaware of? What would help you to lay them down? I created the Deep Calm session to provide evidence of your capacity to take action and find solutions within in a calming forty minute 1:1 session. Let’s dive in today: https://calendly.com/thingstothinkabout/deepcalm
About The Author
Hi, friends 👋🏽. I'm Stacy Casson, a Lean Six Sigma certified mom of five. I used to hold a PhD in creating chaos. Now, I help other busy, overwhelmed parents have peaceful evenings and avoid dramatic mornings.
