“They’re good kids.” I remind myself of this when my kids get on my last nerves, and I kept that in mind as I walked around the room checking on progress. Today I was substituting in a middle school sixth-grade class. This teacher was very organized, and this was a dream assignment. I noticed that two students who had been called out for talking in the cafeteria were sitting together. I checked the seating chart the teacher left (with pictures!!) and told one of them to move to their seat. They came up with every excuse in the book, but I remained firm. Kids will push the envelope and test your boundaries, similar to the Five of Wands.
Every week, we explore a Tarot card because Tarot is rich in symbology and helps us tap into our intuition.
Card of the Week: The Five of Wands
Five people carry staffs and are in conflict as they compete to walk through the same space, with the staffs getting in the way.
The Pattern It Reveals
We are pulled in a million different directions as parents. Sometimes, I view the people on the card as different aspects of myself competing with one another. We wear many hats as parents: peacemaker, homemaker, provider, pet sitter, employee, and Chief Doing Officer. You have to balance your obligations with the same finesse and flexibility you use to balance a checkbook. Everybody wants your attention and needs you at the same time. Similar to the classroom, where several kids have their hands up at the same time. How do you prioritize?
The Question Worth Asking
Do I need to engage?
Not everything is a crisis, nor does it need an immediate response. I often find that if you wait to respond, they often figure it out themselves. It’s like debating on social media. Is that a productive use of your time, or will you find your energy depleted? In the classroom, one of the kids showed me his Trump baseball card, trying to get a reaction. I simply noted, “You do you.” Yes, this was the same kid trying to make excuses about why his best friend should sit with him.
Friction isn’t always a bad thing. I challenged the class to make a free-standing paper tower using only three sheets of paper. It was interesting to see their designs. Some kids opted out. Others, after building an incredible tower, would challenge themselves by trying a different technique to see if they could make it higher. Conflict, when channeled effectively, can drive improvement, like when you brainstorm in a group. You won’t always agree with each other, but if you are open to really listening, the other person's perspective strengthens the solution by identifying gaps and misunderstandings.
One Small Experiment to Try This Week
Pay attention to your energy this week when conflict arises and ask yourself, “Do I need to engage?”
Will it energize you or drain you? Do you need to be involved? During class, two students were arguing over a fidget toy. Turns out it belonged to another student who didn’t care one way or the other. They were tattling to try and get the other in trouble. I calmly returned the toy to the other, and they were immediately on task, working on vocabulary words.
You don’t need to match people’s energy when they are bringing drama. When my class is noisy, I speak very quietly or just smile. I learned that trying to shout over them brings unnecessary conflict.
Do you get confused about why your kids are different? One kid, you ask them, and they do it, and another, you need to cite your sources and reasoning. Just as teachers need to individualize their approach to each student, you also need to channel that Five of Wands energy and tailor your approach to get things done. Luckily, I’ve partnered with Mindy Green, a former clinical social worker and neuro-trained parenting coach, and we are hosting an event to help you navigate transitions strategically. We will help you figure out which child needs time to decompress and which one would benefit from a checklist. Back to school doesn’t have to feel like five people competing with big sticks. It can feel manageable and peaceful. You will leave with tailored, actionable steps for each of the three transition times in a school day. It’s this Wednesday, August 26th at noon EST. Reserve your seat here.
About The Author
Hi, friends 👋🏽. I'm Stacy Casson, a Lean Six Sigma certified mom of five. I used to hold a PhD in creating chaos. Now, I help other busy, overwhelmed parents have peaceful evenings and avoid dramatic mornings.
