There is a flower painted on the door of one of my kids’ rooms. They had written an expletive on the door, and things were tense. I felt defeated, like I had endured a battle like the Nine of Wands. My husband reminded me that our child must be in so much pain. Would it get any better?
Every week, we explore a Tarot card because Tarot is rich in symbology and helps us tap into our intuition.
Card of the Week: The Nine of Wands
They’re holding their ground. The figure is a person who has been injured in battle. Their head is wrapped, and they lean on their staff for support. Eight other staffs are lined up behind them like a fence.
The Pattern It Reveals
Pat Benatar sang that “Love is a Battlefield.” I’m sure many of us parents feel like we have served multiple tours of duty and deserve a Purple Heart. Kids break your heart while you rebuild their feelings and self-worth. That’s the crux of parenting – you love them even when they hate you. Sometimes you wonder, who is there to build you up?
I believe this character removed one of the staffs from the fence and has walked into “enemy” territory. They seem a little wary but take in the view on the other side as if trying to understand their foe. Maybe they have more in common.
The Question Worth Asking
What are you fighting for?
“She must be in so much pain.” Earlier, my kid cursed me out and threw things. I don’t even remember what the fight was about. My husband’s words made me pause and reflect. Did I want to be right? Or did I want a relationship with my child?
Like the figure in the Nine of Wands, I left my defensive wall and tried to empathize with my kid. I decided to respond with compassion. I cleaned the door and painted over the hateful words with a beautiful rainbow flower. When I laid down my hurt feelings and tried to understand my child, we began the healing process.
One Small Experiment to Try This Week
Role-play as a detective. Try to put yourself in your kid’s shoes. What are the clues from their behavior? What do you notice? See if you can find out what happened. Are you in the right headspace? Like our wounded warrior, take a breath, lean on your staff, and reflect.
Be curious and ask your child to tell you what is happening. Remember to stick with the facts. When I spoke with my kid, our conversation was something to the effect of, “What’s happening? This isn’t like you. You must be in so much pain. Can you talk to me?” Listen to understand.
Are the back-to-school battles beginning? I’ve come out on the other end a little battered, but with a deeper understanding. I will be hosting a Back-to-School Webinar exploring the Stop, Start, Continue tool. We can:
Stop letting old battles limit your curiosity.
Start listening to their needs, and
Continue being loving and compassionate parents.
It will be on Tuesday, August 4th, and you have access through my Skool Community. Join today and save the date - https://www.skool.com/peaceful-parenting-9319/about
About The Author
Hi, friends 👋🏽. I'm Stacy Casson, a Lean Six Sigma certified mom of five. I used to hold a PhD in creating chaos. Now, I help other busy, overwhelmed parents have peaceful evenings and avoid dramatic mornings.
