Themes of surrender kept popping up this week. My friend Sara June asked me a powerful question, "Spiritually, have you let your self give up and surrender?" Even though my past few blogs were about surrender, I had not fully released everything until yesterday. I am still here. In fact, this morning, I allowed myself to hang over the side of my bed to get a different perspective. It felt good to stretch my neck in that way and I saw the underside of the things in my room. Surrender allowed me to gain a new perspective. Diving into the things I was afraid of took away some of their bite. It will not be fun, but dealing with them is possible and I am able to take action. What are you resisting? How would it feel without that thing weighing you down? Try taking me literally and shift your physical perspective.
I think I had broken up with myself. She and I had different perspectives about life and one of us was on serious denial. I have not been the best partner to myself, yet I continue to try and pour into other cups from my empty cup. It is a challenge for me to take time for myself instead of pushing through. Yesterday, I sat down on my back porch feeling the sun on my skin, enjoying the plants, and all the sounds and allowed myself to feel the feels. No fun, but I highly recommend it. After wallowing for a bit, I took action. I called a counselor and she let me get things off my chest, but also to come up with a plan. She challenged me to write down everything that was bothering me and just tackle the top three. I watched my soap opera as a carrot and then got to work. Seeing everything on paper did not overwhelm me as I thought it would. It helped to transfer the energy from my brain and ground it to the paper. This freed up energy to rebuild a relationship with myself and thus to be a better friend to others.
I had an evening planned with a friend and during my wallowing, I was tempted to stay home. I decided to honor my committment. I thought I was keeping my word to her, but in retrospect, I showed up for myself. I love to sing and have not sung or listened to music because it triggers me. I surrendered myself to the music and had a wonderful time at karaoke. The people were very supportive and encouraging. Everyone cheered each other along and my friend treated me by singing a favorite of mine. When is the last time you had fun? Two of my biggest accomplishments this weekend were taking a shower and wearing something other than a bathrobe. No matter how small, celebrate the win. You can use it to build momentum.
I am grateful for friends. I am grateful for a supportive group that holds me accountable. I am grateful for hard truths. I am grateful to wake up each day. I am grateful for the pain because it informs me. I am grateful for having the courage to face my fear. I am grateful that I am able to act in a way that aligns with my values. I am grateful for the good things that are coming that I can't yet see. I am grateful for the process and the journey. I am grateful for my amazing children. I am grateful to have the power and technology to write this blog each week. I am grateful to be connected with humanity. I am grateful to have goals. I am grateful to be perfectly imperfect. I am grateful to let go. I am grateful for you dear reader. What are you grateful for in your life? Namaste
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