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Successful Sunday, March 6, 2022

upside down sunflower in profile against a grey background

Themes of surrender kept popping up this week.  My friend Sara June asked me a powerful question, "Spiritually, have you let your self give up and surrender?"  Even though my past few blogs were about surrender, I had not fully released everything until yesterday.  I am still here.  In fact, this morning, I allowed myself to hang over the side of my bed to get a different perspective.  It felt good to stretch my neck in that way and I saw the underside of the things in my room.  Surrender allowed me to gain a new perspective.  Diving into the things I was afraid of took away some of their bite.  It will not be fun, but dealing with them is possible and I am able to take action.  What are you resisting?  How would it feel without that thing weighing you down?  Try taking me literally and shift your physical perspective.

I think I had broken up with myself.  She and I had different perspectives about life and one of us was on serious denial.  I have not been the best partner to myself, yet I continue to try and pour into other cups from my empty cup.  It is a challenge for me to take time for myself instead of pushing through.  Yesterday, I sat down on my back porch feeling the sun on my skin, enjoying the plants, and all the sounds and allowed myself to feel the feels.  No fun, but I highly recommend it.  After wallowing for a bit, I took action.  I called a counselor and she let me get things off my chest, but also to come up with a plan.  She challenged me to write down everything that was bothering me and just tackle the top three.  I watched my soap opera as a carrot and then got to work.  Seeing everything on paper did not overwhelm me as I thought it would.  It helped to transfer the energy from my brain and ground it to the paper.  This freed up energy to rebuild a relationship with myself and thus to be a better friend to others.

I had an evening planned with a friend and during my wallowing, I was tempted to stay home.  I decided to honor my committment.  I thought I was keeping my word to her, but in retrospect, I showed up for myself.  I love to sing and have not sung or listened to music because it triggers me.  I surrendered myself to the music and had a wonderful time at karaoke.  The people were very supportive and encouraging.  Everyone cheered each other along and my friend treated me by singing a favorite of mine.  When is the last time you had fun?  Two of my biggest accomplishments this weekend were taking a shower and wearing something other than a bathrobe.  No matter how small, celebrate the win.  You can use it to build momentum.  

I am grateful for friends.  I am grateful for a supportive group that holds me accountable.  I am grateful for hard truths.  I am grateful to wake up each day.  I am grateful for the pain because it informs me.  I am grateful for having the courage to face my fear.  I am grateful that I am able to act in a way that aligns with my values.  I am grateful for the good things that are coming that I can't yet see.  I am grateful for the process and the journey.  I am grateful for my amazing children.  I am grateful to have the power and technology to write this blog each week.  I am grateful to be connected with humanity.  I am grateful to have goals.  I am grateful to be perfectly imperfect.  I am grateful to let go.  I am grateful for you dear reader.  What are you grateful for in your life?  Namaste

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