Return to site

Successful Sunday, June 5th 2022

The World Didn't Fall Apart

Black man with short curly hair wearing a demin shirt covered in sticky notes most prominent is Norms, Expectation, Society

I did it. That is, I did not do it. I did not say anything about it, and the world did not fall apart. Last week was a long weekend, and instead of doing what I felt I should do, like my blog and podcast, I did what I felt like doing. I made decisions. Letting go of things enabled me to find other things, like a video of my wedding. My kids found it funny that my wedding was so dorky. Yes, we did exit to The Throne Room from Star Wars. It was refreshing and inspiring to do some things ruminating in my mind finally. My day was like Billy from the Family Circus, who always takes a convoluted path to do a simple errand. Despiting bouncing between tasks, I did get quite a bit done and managed to rest. It was a balance between placidity and productivity.

Like eating a spicy meatball sandwich that disagrees with you, the demands continue to repeat and burble up. Should I have trusted my intuition? How can I continue to determine my life instead of external forces making the decisions? When should I be disciplined, and when should I wait for the muse? I only worked on one piece of art this week, an old piece. It is coming along slower than I wanted, but I notice that when I do something when it feels right, I am making more progress than when I force it. I love routines until they feel like a prison. Being unstructured feels liberating until the evening comes, and I feel as if I have accomplished nothing. It is not true. Being is much more complicated than doing. My cat got stuck on the roof the other day, and my youngest was panicked. I came out to see what was happening. I tried to help, but she did not need my help as I initially thought. She figured out how to get down since she got herself up there in the first place. We are living in times without easy answers, stuck on the roof. Staring over the precipice is terrifying, but at some point, we have to choose a path and run until we hit solid ground.

Celebrate the tiny victories. This week, I stood my ground. My accountability buddy helped to enforce it, and as a result, I spent quality time with my family. We played games and watched movies. I can't tell you how much I enjoyed simple things like grocery shopping and witnessing the growth of my young drivers. Saying no to the grind allowed me to say yes to what truly matters to me. How much does a 'yes' cost you? Have you recently spent time with your loved ones or had fun? When was the last time you spent time with yourself? This morning my family and I cooked together. I asked for help, and they willingly stepped up. Do you ask for help? Why not? I saw each kid have a sense of pride in playing their part. I was in training last week, and a common theme was that everyone did not want to ask for help.

Being open to receiving allows me to give more because I filled my cup. I call it little red hen syndrome. I get enraged and do everything all by myself. How does that help? Usually, it harms me because I have to repair the relationships if I can fix them. I am still not perfect, nor do I need to be. I continue to work on pausing so that I can respond instead of reacting. It is so easy to take on other people's feelings. I always hashtag - trust the process because it is a process. Things work until they do not because life constantly changes. Pushing through no longer works for me. Even though it is counterintuitive, doing 'nothing' allows me to do more of everything else. Holding on tightly only serves to block my abundance from flowing. I have so many ideas and things that I want to do. I will get the important ones done by taking them one step at a time. I am getting in the habit of stopping and celebrating every win, no matter how small. I was worried that I would be on a long hiatus from this blog, but here I am. I do this because I need to do it for myself. I hope you also benefit from what I am learning. Are you hoarding your talent?