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Successful Sunday, July 17th, 2022

Tea Candles arranged like a peace sign.  They have a warm orange glow and are against a black background.

It's a pain in the butt to change. I have managed to put off a major change for about a year. It is just as annoying as I thought it would be and just when I thought I was nearing the end, bam! Surprise, this part didn't totally transfer. I surrendered and tried to view this as an opportunity to review all the moving parts of my life. I am a storyteller and sometimes find it hard to deal with reality. It is much easier to escape into fictions. I tell myself that I'm giving myself a buffer. Am I? Or am I making excuses for my inaction? Sometimes we lose and there will be no Mr. Darcy furtively working behind the scenes to restore and repair the harm. It is a bitter pill to swallow. I am ready to eat all the vegetables on my plate of life.

Uncertainty is running rampant. This change makes my kid uneasy. It is going according to the plan, but there are definitely bumps along the way. "Are we going to be destitute?" he asks me. I laugh and tell him no. We will just have to be vigilant and stay on top of the moving parts until everything is settled and we can close out that chapter in our story. Now is the time to tell new stories. Emily O. Weltman shared an article about trauma becoming synonymous with authenticity. I thought about striving for being authentically happy. A friend of mine suffered a recent loss and they shared a picture from when I attended a birthday party with them. Their loved one is smiling and it is a genuine smile. I'm smiling and so is my friend. I remember this was during some challenging times. I can honestly say that everytime I have made it through bleak times, I look back on them fondly. I had and have so much to be grateful for. It is funny what resonates and sticks when you reflect. Even though I was unable to capture the music, I can tell you the song was 'Dancing in the Street.'

Lama Rod Owens said "The body tells the truth regardless of if we speak its language or not." My body has been experiencing vertigo and indigestion. Instead of looking at physical causes such as inner ear crystals moving out of position, I ask my body what it is trying to tell me. Why are these sources of discomfort manifesting? My world was turned upside down and I kept moving forward. I think my body wants me to acknowledge this change. I have pushed all the feelings down for so long that my body may literally be unable to digest anymore. I am working on getting out of my head and being more present in my body. Change is challenging and the more I resist, the more my body will rebel. I do not remember who I was speaking with or listening to the other day, but they were sharing about the difference between floating and drowning; one you surrender and the other you give up. Technically, drowning is caused by your lungs filling with water or other liquids. If I hold in all the thoughts and feelings, I will drown.

One foot in front of the other. One breath at a time. One thing at a time. I just inhaled. I know what I want. I need to take a leap of faith. The need for safety and security can become a prison if we hold on too tightly. If we only build walls, we will not have any light. Glass is actually quite strong and it takes quite a bit of force to break it. I need to be willing to allow some windows. Yes, glass can be broken, but glass bricks are stronger than concrete and some glass is stronger than steel. I will have to pour a new foundation and allow the space for windows. Too often, we do not wait for things to settle and try to build on a shifting foundation. I made time for myself to see my doctor. I had been doing exercises to strenghten my knee. I had noticed slight improvement, but nothing to write home about. She noticed that my knee was in a better position. The takeaway is that you may not see the incredible change that is happening and be tempted to give up. Stick with it. Do the unglamorous work. If change were fun, everyone would do it. Eat your vegetables; they are good for you. Namaste

Dealing with uncertainty in your life? I am going to be hosting a Clarity Playshop next month. Please feel free to contact me if you would like to learn more.