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Successful Sunday, April 4th, 2021

A Koala Bear sleeping sitting up on a branch with its head against a tree trunk.

No one is coming to save me.

That is so dramatic. I have been trying to write this blog for the past three hours. I went down an Instragram rabbit hole and found various chores to keep me occupied. It is always an energy game. I do not have it. I do not have energy for trifling people. I do not have energy for people who do not know me but ask me to promote them. I do not have the energy for people who hate. I. do. not. When something is difficult, or I am unmotivated, I generally find it is redirecting me to something else. I will say today has been a great day for keeping boundaries and making boundaries. There is a finite amount of energy an I have to be more discerning about the things that get my energy.

The cup is empty. I have to save myself. That is unfair. There have been offers for help and assistance. It is difficult when all I want is another me. The other me can make everything all magical and stuff. Nobody is dead. Everyone has their basic needs met today. I am going to count it as a win. Like some wise ladies I know said, "It will remain undone."

If you are here for hope or sunshine and lollipops, I have none for you. That makes me smile, because the other me says, "Challenge accepted." Play will still be my rescuer because it is funny to me to imagine playing Whack-A-Mole with the haters. Once upon a time there was a very nice person who was okay with disappointing people and the world didn't end.

We all have choices to make. Sometimes, we need to choose ourselves. It is not a zero sum game. As I reflected in an earlier post, we need to die to things, or throw off unnecessary weight in order to not sink. I am going to imagine the quicksand is a mud bath and soak and wallow for a bit. Slowly, eventually with different movement, I will get out and save myself. Namaste.

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