Hi, friends 👋🏽. I’m Stacy Casson, Chief Play Officer at Things to Think About, LLC. With over twenty years of continuous improvement experience, I’ve learned to stay calm in a crisis—unless you’re that jerk in the white Tesla who doesn’t understand how indicators work. Get ready with me!
Is your calendar packed to the gills? Are you constantly double or triple-booked? Do you feel like you have to choose who you are going to fail today? You don’t have to face the doubts alone. I’m focusing on supporting parents and caregivers of high school students as they navigate overwhelm. I write this blog to help them move from overwhelm to action. As Dan Martell says, “A problem well defined is a problem half-solved.”
Celebrate Your Wins
Pause for a moment:
What’s one thing you accomplished this week—big or small?
Did your child respect your opinion?
Rearranged the living room?
Nailed that report?
This week, I met with the library about an in-person training. I also did the scary thing and met with my CPA and have my books in order. My curry goat turned out so tender; it fell off the bone 😊 I actually rearranged the living room. The cat doesn’t know what to do with herself. I also hosted a live, on-the-fly session. Catch the replay here.
Drop your win in the comments or share it with a friend! Now, let’s proactively plan for the week ahead to set ourselves up for success and reduce overwhelm. This week we draw inspiration from The Lineages of Change Tarot by adrienne maree brown (Oracle); Alta Starr (Oracle); chelsea cleveland (Oracle); Lottie V. Spady (Oracle).
I’m going back to my roots and telling a story. She has had many names over the years and has remained largely hidden. However, if you pay attention, you may notice the flowers perking up in her presence and a snake passing out of the corner of your eye. Today, she’s just “Mom,” and she is tired. She has commanded large forces, and yet here, at home, they take her for granted. Smiting is not an option. She needs to learn new skills. For the sake of the story, let’s call her Peggy.
Challenge: What is one thing your high school student does that stresses you out? Now, take a moment to reflect. Do you exhibit this behavior? For example, I get mad at my kids when they don’t take out the trash. Do I ever take out the trash? For a while, I had to say no, I didn’t. I began to take out the trash when I saw it was full and now, I rarely have to take out the trash because the kids follow what I do, not what I say.
“Where Do I Begin?” – Andy Williams from Love Story
Peggy felt as if she were drowning. She had tried so many life hacks to get herself and the kids on track. Sometimes she would see improvement, but then everything reverted to the previous state. She had planted so many seeds, and each time they would poke out of the ground, but most of them died. She would not give up. The fact that they could grow meant that she could do this. They could do this together. She needed to look at the soil where these seeds were being planted. What was her mindset, and what did these plants truly need to grow? Maybe she needed to also get some metaphorical fertilizer and ensure they were properly nourished.
“I Don’t Want to Set the World on Fire” – The Ink Spots
Peggy wanted to be sure that her kids had the skills they needed when they left home. She carried them when they were babies, but they were walking now. The eldest was driving. How can you be able to drive a car, but not turn in your homework? Under her parenting, they maintained good grades, were responsible, and they had fun together. She was just so tired of keeping track of everything. They were in high school for crying out loud. They needed to start taking responsibility for their success. She wouldn’t be here forever, not in this form anyway. She decided to start with their schoolwork.
Mini-exercise: Where are you taking on responsibility for things that do not belong to you?
“Breaking the Habit” – Linkin Park
Peggy and her kids often butt heads about schoolwork. “I know, I know!” they would say, and she would still have to nag them. She didn’t know how they got anything done at their desks. There were papers everywhere, and she swore she had thrown away that raggedy hoodie. She didn’t understand. They had planners and calendars, and she even sent them text reminders. She picked up the Lineages of Change guidebook she was reading and read, “your dominant tendencies could be showing.” Ouch. She could be a little overbearing. She decided to have a heart-to-heart with the kids and promised she would listen with curiosity.
Challenge Assumptions. Ask questions. Two of my favorites are, “What did you hear me say?” Or, “This is my understanding, did I get that right?”
“Listen” – Beyoncé
Peggy called a family meeting to order. She asked the kids about their dreams and what they wanted to accomplish. They wanted to attend college and succeed. She joked and asked whether she would be going to college with them. After the laughter died down she shared her concerns and said she wanted to do things differently. They said they wanted more autonomy and sometimes felt she was smothering them because she was always nagging and making demands. Peggy told them that she was worried that if she let go, things wouldn’t get done. She asked for their opinions on how they could work together to put her mind at ease and give them more freedom. She told them she had heard about a webinar a lady was hosting for parents and their high school students to help them get organized. She asked them if they wanted to give it a try. They all agreed they wanted to change but didn’t know how; this could help them learn new skills.
“Follow Your Heart. Your Intuition” – Intuition by Jewel
The kids were surprised by this new version of Peggy. She seemed determined to change. They agreed to use their planners at a minimum, and she would not nag them about their schoolwork. They were hopeful about this webinar. Everyone cleaned up their desk. When Peggy checked their grades online, she noticed that assignments were being submitted on time. However, the clutter began to return, including the tattered hoodie. They attended the webinar, during which the presenter discussed the root causes and intentions. Peggy wondered whether, instead of staying up late to watch TV on her phone, she could reclaim that time to set herself up for success the next day. Her kids tended to do what she did, not what she said. The woman had mentioned structure to help with new habits. What could it hurt? Peggy decided she would be the role model for the change she wanted to see.
To Recap:
- Pick one area to change.
- Set a realistic goal
- Reflect on the part you play
- Actively listen
- You are not an island – what will you co-create today?
Ready for Change?
If you are a parent or caregiver of a high school student and you are tired of nagging and waiting for them to clean up, I’m hosting a virtual Playshop to help you prepare your child for college and life by teaching them to organize their desks and rooms. If you are worried about what they will do when you’re not around, you can have the peace of mind of knowing your kid has the skills to make successful choices once they leave home. Early bird sales end soon, so claim your spot here.
What did you learn this week? What is one thing you need to release? Drop your thoughts in the comments or send me a message—I’d love to cheer you on!
Cards used: The Mutha of Earth (Reversed), Nine of Earth, The World, The Pattern (Reversed), Six of Earth, The Godseed
